you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
