Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
