I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
