how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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