Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
