that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
