I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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