textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
