ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
