did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
