We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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