Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just cropdusted the office
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
