You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
