No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
