can we get nightvision for the apartment?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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