one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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