She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
