I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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