I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
