i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
