grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
