Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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