She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
