summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
