when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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