Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
