oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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