i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
