I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
