I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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