i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
