So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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