In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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