Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you win again, gameday.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
