I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
