Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
