don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
