he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
