Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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