thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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