Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
