Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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