The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
