i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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