Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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