If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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