you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sobbing to NWA
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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