so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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