Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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