Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I want a musical about memes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
