the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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