halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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