hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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