Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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